ok, complains all over left right centre infront behind of me not upadting my blog
aiya, i blog like a inspirational book writer sia, mux suddenly EUREKA, den i can blog one =X

anyway, all the while waiting for yours truely to update, alot happened, some good, some bad, some are reasons of seeing me smile, some disappoints the hell out of me, i'll update them all in this post

28th march 2009 =]

our first date, went to amk hub and u brought me to the park, chatted and exchanges made =]
watched our first movie together, a horror show which u didn't dare to watch on alot of parts xP
had our first lunch at the western food stall, ur chicken cutlet was huge =X
the first time i tried to tell u how i felt, darn super kanjiong xP
but i still didn't know >.<

6th april 2009 =]

I was busy @.@
u thought i was angry at you or sth and asked if i really liked you T-T
i told i really do ^^
you wondered if i really do, if i was like any guy out there >.<
and i asked you to be mine ^^v
and for the first time u called me baby bf  xD
the day our story started =]

15th - 17th april 2009

freshmen orientation programme started with me and my two brothers standing out to make the difference this time =]
first day i met my group members, which at first i was not suppose to take them as my grp (which i am glad i actually did) =]
my grp got FANN WONG, PINK POWER RANGER, WONDERBOY, HUAPING etc etc, muahaha, you know who are xD
first day's tiring, yet we had silly fun and everyone came out of their comfort zone ^^
chose freshmen for jam and hop performance and warcry, din rly work well =(

second day my group members came back except for melvin  =P
went through performance training with the jam and hop dancers etc in the morning =D
afternn had tug of war, SHL was champion! awooooo!~
did lab tours for year 1s with a super small machine despite my size =X
came back in the evening to meet my grp for photo blog contest ^^
bid farewell when activities ended =(
went on to conduct training and rehearsal for jam and hop dancers till 8+ (proud of u guys) =]

third day did facilitation in the morning, met students leaders from SAS =]
facilitation with my class, E35E was cool and fun =D
went back to home base to conduct domino ripples, i diverted to do mascot after that xP
last training period for all dancers and warcryer =]
one last prep talk to dancers and warcryer (you know you made the difference) ^^
too busy till i forgot about my gf x(
SHL performance rocks to the core! woohooo~ yeaaaaaaaa (with action)~~~~~ ^^
met up with baby gf and apologises @.@
SHL got second, third yr in a row =.= but this time we win SOH =X muahahaha, by one pt, freaking sweet revenge xP
thkx zul and rizza for the wonderful memories =]
DSLM grp 5 mobbed me and made me run ard w4 and w6 xP
gave me a pleasant surprise, with hugs and barney song (love you guys to bits bits bits) ^^
hold your hands for the first time ^^v
sent you home for the first time =]

life in rp got better ^^

24th april 2009

met orientation peep for the first time after orientation =]
ate at jack's place with menghao"wonder boy" going crazy xP
fun day out with future planning on the way =]

25th april 2009

our first time out as couple ^^
went to east coast to blade with you for the first time =]
spent some nice time going from places to places with you ^^
your legs were wobbly after the blading xP
went to vivocity after that for dinner, marche was the place =D
had crepe, pasta and rosti, boy aint they good ^^
spent some time by the skygarden with you =]
sent you home and i asked you the question in person ^^
you said yes, wooohooooo!~ ^^v
we hugged tight and we bid farewell =]

28th april 2009

everything went well till this day >=(
committees din turn up for meeting >.<
meeting with the SHL club advisors is not making sense !@#$%^&*()_
initiative for this camp was not recognition NOR for SHL club =(
why cant get this through their thick skull? =.=
why a change in structure now only when we wanted to do sth for SHL =(
we understand the advisors stand, yet they are not putting in effort to understand ours !@#$%^&*()_
damn angry !@#$%^&*()_
at the end of the day if the camp do not happen or is distorted from its original concept =l
i will not hestitate to remove all plans =l
ultimately i do not suffer from the cancellation and all the benefits SHL club and SHL can get from us will not happen >=(
I still say the same, take a walk down E5 and ask any SHL students what is SHL and wad is SHL club
don be shock to hear what is the ans or better still no ans at all >=(

30th april 2009

maybe there will be a chance to still make things happen, really depends =l
met up baby gf after sch, din wan her to be sad =]
hanged out at TRCC cafe =P
found out alot of ur weak spots *blow blow* xP
kissed u for the first time!~ xP
sent u home for the second  time =]

1st may 2009

second outing with orientation peeps! ^^
surprise many came, vanessa, yun lang, melvin etc xP
cycled to bedok jetty and took pictures etc =]
had some catching up which was rather valuable ^^
things happend and we all waited for some time =X
but everyone came eventually =]
walked all the way to big splash from east coast central =X
had kfc and its damn fun talking to all my juniors ^^
good times nv last and we go back after dinner =]

2nd may 2009

updating blog at home xP
hahaha finally finish =X
baby wasnt able to come out today T-T
so alone at home =X

life in rp's a roller coaster ride =]
i'll it going round and round  ^^

hohoho, shiok shiok nia *look at rizza, zul n adam*

went to mlys with bst brothers, how cool is that? hahakx xP
plan road trip ah, go further next time ^^

recalling wad had we have all been through in brunei, it was seriously mentally draining, we went through our storm period, came out of it, and formed our norms

now we wait to perform for the overall upkeep of the team =]

yst was cool, rested my day at home and only went out to find ah huat for dinner at sembawang
alfred and florence joined us and it was a pretty simple meal

went back home to get my passport and meet up with zul, adam n rizza at bukit panjang mall ard 11.20pm
then we started our journey to malaysia =D

went to adam's motordiam but they din had his stuffs, then we went to my motordiam and it was clsed =.=
then we changed our plans and went to makan first den come back for adam's stuff.

brought them to my usual makan place, haha, food is nice as usual

chilled and talked abt future plans and road trips etc
seriously got no problem going out again soon =]

btw wed i am going fishing with them xP

today i guess i'll just slack it off xP

hmmm, got loads of photos and videos coming right up in facebook, peeps go check them out k xP

to my cambodian spartans, looking forward to meeting on wed, haha, gotta pass books to vernisa, update all our lappy, maybe go makan or sth after that, when we are done, i'll be waiting for jason to reach ard 3+pm, in between maybe go wait at fren hse =]

den at night will be fishing activities with bst brothers =]

haha, planned planned, but still as bz as ever xP

*hugs* everyone =]

i'm still thinking of you ^^v

here comes the irony

i've been expecting and looking forward to going back to singapore these past few days.
but now that i know i will be going back to singapore in less than 8 hrs, the feeling of going home become less appealing den b4

maybe i've become attached to the place this is, somehow it feels more home den home...

but i know this is not whr i belong in the end, but just a chapter thats gonna cls really soon enough

I came here with a positive mindset, and i ended up becoming a pillar for supporting the team
and with me, i have my brothers to thk for standing by me and supporting it
thkx rizza for the fun and laughter and initiatives
thkx zul for all the understanding and jokes dat helps the team lighten up
thkx adam for being the kuku one that is always jiwe in helping any out if the need arise
thkx qayyum for being the one who listens so much and being thr to support us
thkx clement for trying so hard to get out of ur comfort zone and help out in all u can

back in singapore, its the spartans that keeps me looking forward in my touchdown to singapore soon =]

zai u will never be alone girl =]
even when u go nuts and crazy, bro ben will breathe in deep and start all over with you again =]
i know cha cha jason big ben weisong vernisa n alvin are well and have no prob so far

happens to know that after these times, both me and my ex alrdy have someone else in mind alrdy
even though we are no longer tgt, i hope u will find happiness
the tough part alrdy past us, and now i look forward to my future

its a totally different path from now on

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I'll never see

It may sound absurd, but don't be naive
Even Heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed, but won't you concede
Even Heroes have the right to dream
It's not easy to be me

i'll be home soon

embracing all that i may nv have~

Today was alright, better compared to yst =]

finally can slp dao bao bao *quote vernisa =X*
haha, wake up at 10.30am sia, woohooo, so shuang de ^^v

den we proceed to go yayasun for shopping, its like machiam brunei's version of takashima leh, but smaller xP

then its boring, but heng got arcade, which has very.. VERY lil games which i have to find entertainment from =.=

Took photos and video of the mosque over thr, v nice, come back show everyone xP

went on to take water taxi at brunei river, muahahaha, the adrenaline rush was high, shiok shiok sia xP
and i saw my first ever petrol station built on water ^^V darn cool

but it was terribly short lived >.<

went to a singapore makan place in brunei, darn funny how we are eating hometown food in a foreign land xP
than it turn out to be nice, woots, if can go again oso nice =]

went on the empire hotel again xP

wah seh, view is still spectacular even though this is the second time i went thr xP

shot vid and photos again!! hahakx, mux show all xP

came back to rest before heading out to the mall and catch a movie at a local mall, watched race to witch mountain
effects were cool, but ending could be better =]

came back to hostel tired sio, but had reflection b4 coming up, everything that was bottled up came clear with everyone listening and confession was made, i made my concern heard and talked abt how we are not being sensitive to our own ppl, let alone to the locals...

eventually everything went well, all reach a common understanding

i am quite happy my guys dude are really standing by each other and the rapport was excellent, just as it had been for me and my lovely spartans =]

looking to my return flight on sunday morning ^^v

and i will be real glad to hear all of your voices when i come back to singapore =]

its 3am in the morning, and i still miss you ^^

wanna fly to sg asap!!! *i'll ask pilot fly faster k? xP*

with loves!

adui, zai and vernisa don scold me if u see this post k? haha

bo bian la, need to do stuffs for Freshmen Orientation Prog coming april, so stayed up late ^^

today was fine, presentation went well, and i had my kenangan teringdah solo!! ^^v

went back to hostel after lunch and exchanged a few shirts with the students here =]
*gonna wear one back on the flight back to sg ^^*

afternn went to brunei heritage museum... it is boring dao.... sian ah~
after that was kinda waste of time
drove for 30 mins just to take photo of istana den leave =.=
den went to a mall with nth much to shop >.<
and ended up at a makan place to have seafood for supper~

but then, no appetite as usual, plus got ulcer, lol so din eat much xP

thinking abt it, so much has alrdy went past, with the cambodia trip over, now towards the end of brunei trip
i rly know this yr is a great year in experiences and propective thoughts improvement on myself
rly learnt alot during these 2 trips =]

and frenx and buddies dat i made, maintain with rls as strong as steel ^^v

i will miss all the sceneries, the water, the sun, the blue skies, the blue sea, the fun, the laughters etc
but i will come back again someday, with my buddies maybe =]

right now i still wanna see all my buds real soon, family too
really looking forward till the day i touch down on singapore soil =]

when i can embrace all of you guys again ^^

with much love, i will be getting my long anticipated rest now.

and i'm still thinking of you =]

hi all!~

finally one day at brunei that is not shag at all ^^
but guess wad, i'm blogging at 3.47 in the morning, and i gotta wake up at 7.15am =X

guys don scold me when u see this k? xP

went to merinbum today, did a eco tourism visit to their heritage park, but it was flooded so nth much to see oso.
we took boat, but it was suppose to meant for walking b4 it was flooded xP

visited the aborhiginal ppl's village and graveyard, darn eye opener
played their musical instruments and try their hunting cap ^^v

came back and had games with the sports sch's badminton players
woots, v long nv feel competative le sia =]

den it was bz bz bz all the way till just now >.< *sry zai for dc-ing halfway toking* xP

and yea!

tmr is the last day we will be interacting with the students over here, i will be presenting to them on feedback for nutritional and training.
great responsibility sia ^^

and we gonna surprise them by singing kenangan teringdah *rmb the song? spartans ^^v*

I will be the lead singer!! woots ^^v

so yea, that ends today actually

its late and i'm still missing all of you guys

i'm missing u too ^^v

be safe till i get home k =]

wake up in morning with still the whole body aching of the sun burns

breakfast with the kids as usual and got off to visit the royal regalia, its a place that keeps the sultan's possessions though

my melayu is improving while staying in this country, suka suka usage of melayu just came out
imagine me joining the badminton team's training and go "badminton boleh!" xP

suddenly reminds me of my tug of war glory which my boys and i were the champions, and the tagline was
"sekolah sukan jiwe tak!!??"

went golfing today with the golf team to empire hotel and resort
golfing was fun, except when it was darn malu when i club the ball into the forest =.=

and i drove the buggy ard! ^^v

after nine holes were done we had a tour ard the resort, darn, i wish all of you guys could be thr that moment, its a 7stars hotel with superb views, loads of videos and photos were taken, just u guys =]

but maybe got prob loading them up, internet still CMI as usual..

couldnt get on9 early enough to catch a converse with everyone, now typing away like machiam lonely sia =.=

but tmr i try to come on9 early as possible ba, and yea, tmr got badminton game with the team, kena challenged by them xP lol

but they are still friendly ppl =]

i miss everyone back in sg as usual
u know who you are ^^v

and i am logging off now, cux i rly darn slping, but i still wanna keep u guys updated yea ^^

and i am still thinking of you =]

signing off

loves~

as promised! i am here to blog my trip so far that hasn't been updated BECAUSE the internet here just cant make it =.=

its 12.25 in the morning and i'm sitting infront of the com typing dum dum away with churns of thoughts running through the head.

promised to update and will be fulfilling it from now on eh.. though slower than wad i originally said, but i tried my best na

photos seems like taking forever to upload... guess maybe i'll upload to facebook instead eh =]

so ladies and gentlemen pls proceed to my FB to wait and see my beautiful photos, taken entirely by my 2 megapixel phone ^^v

to spartans buds:
everyone came home with a heavy heart, some even fell and get hurt along the way till where we stand now
but do not forget the ones that stood by you & me
jason has the heart to care, but dude u rly needa ask more and talk more =] we are all frenx
cha cha has the ability to brighten up someone's day, so pls cheer zai up with me k? =]
alvin is the horny kuku that is always lame till funny, but pls be serious abt feelings and actions dude
zai is thinking way too deep, way too pessimistic lurh sister *worried most for you now*
vernisa is the innocent girl who listen alot, try to help out with zai too yea, and listen her stuffs letting her know she not alone =]

small ben's the one that's having a prob hanging on... but i'm telling myself to hang on for every single one of u and mysellf..
I'm away in a trip that objective is hard to achieve, v bad sunburn, unwilling smiles, tired, din bring my pills, injured, worried, etc...

i'm rly tired, but i'm still blogging becox i promised, this is a guy that doesnt break promises *hear that zai?*
rly donno what to do, caught in the middle with being in brunei and trying to still make people ard me their day
lack confidence abt wad to do you now that you alrdy know...
maybe i won see anyone at home when i go back to my place on the 22nd after i reach sg...
i am no longer a civilian, holding 11B now if u din know *army ID*

But listen now to why am i still doing what i did...

In the events of the past years i went through, i used hate the world to the core..
But it led me no whr, what can i do with hate? generate more hates?
what is anger, hatred, madness doing to help out in my life?
NTH AT ALL

I feel inferior al the time... and i feel i am a complete loser at times...

but when there came a day when i saw what a young boy did, it changed me... i knew how to continue on even when every single soul on earth does nt believe in u and leaves you...

a boy came up to me one day, begging for money asking only for 10cents
i gave him a dollar
he went ard begging for more ten cents and he got many eventually which i did not know
then he came back to me
he returned me 90cents
i ask why did he do that
this is what he told me..

i wan to buy things for my mummy hu is not feeling well at home, i wan to buy rice for her but i don haf money, but when i finally took out the courage to ask for money, i was rejected a few times, then u're the one who gave me a dollar even when i ask only for 10cents, you gave me the strength to continue asking more so that i could buy sth for my mum, but i know the dollar u gave was out of kindness, so i did not wan to owe that much and i ask for enough to return u 90cents to let you know i never lie to you...

that boy was mistaken by so many ppl man, yet he nv gave up, i gave him more to get wad he wants but he worked hard to let me know he is no liar... that moment i understood the meaning of hapiness and joy...

my hapiness do not lie with letting myself getting all the things this world can offer, it lies with seeing all of you being happy when i was thr to help... my joy comes after to which i see you grow and become independent and prove to me that you will be strong and capable in your ways...

i can nv smile with my frenx not smiling, i can nv laugh when u cnt walk out of your own nightmares..

zai pls look at the world this way... and don push brother ben away again ok?

and as for the other person, i donno if you are gonna read this, but yea, i know promises hurts... i was thr and i knew it first handed... i believe if i was to get hurt over and over again.. there's sth gonna be real and true... all the girls that hurt me had my true care and concern...
i nv discounted anyone b4, and i nv will *cha cha and jason pls understand dis all of you are impt*. i donno, but maybe i will try to let you believe that promises will work, starting from this blogpost that i promise to blog on my first day of the trip.

everyday from now i will blog.. its a promise

i'm officially 2 days away from my brunei flight... but i dont feel like boarding the plane at the present situation...

funny how parents are the way they are...

quoting from affirmation by savage garden

"i believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do"
thkx for doing ur best to let me know life isnt gonna be as simple as i want it to be
thkx for taking away the childhood i nv had
thkx for all ur quarrels that nv is reasonable
thkx for all the heartbreaks that i always had
thkx for putting me down when i needed u both to back me up
thkx for giving me a home i nv felt like its one
thkx for watching me grow without ur guidance
thkx for allowing me to grow feeling i am always inferior
thkx for spending all ur time with my sisters
thkx for taking me and ah ger for granted

now i know dreams don come true, goals does
now i know childhood is the best gift i can give my children
now i know quarreling nv helps
now i know i can nv cry again
now i know i have no one to depend except myself
now i know home includes furnitures and FAMILY
now i know how talking will be a best form of education to my kids
now i know my inferior feeling nv goes away, i'll die with it
now i know how much i try i do i wave i shout, ur focus are nv on me
now i know just how much u want me in ur life....

I still remembered how u told me i was an accident
i was nv meant to be born in the first place

i came into and left ppl life countless time
and each time i did my best to help wherever i could
but i nv once asked to be remembered...

when u are unhappy, i am here no matter how bad in shape u are...
but when u are happy and you forgot abt me, i'll still here wherever u need me

if making u smile requires sacrifice, i'd sacrifice to see you smile
how many ppl understands this phrase exactly?

my parents showed me all the ways u can trash a family
and its oso thkx to them that i learnt how valuable are the things i nv had

talk abt how lousy i am at girls
i feel inferior, and i am sry abt that
I LIKE U
but i cant tell you, he always seems to be the better choice
and ten days l8r when i come back
maybe you would alrdy had forgotten abt me

i used to tell myself this and i am STILL telling myself this...
no one will remember me the day i am gone

i don think my parents will, what abt you?

but matter how lil i weigh in this world, i'm keeping myself alive, for everyone i cared abt.. even if you do not do the same...


if only time can fast forward, till the day i breathe my last breath and leave the world quietly...